How has it been a year already?
You may not have heard of Sands, it’s not one of the big well-known charities and in a way, that’s a good thing. But if you have, you’ll know just how incredible they are at such a tough time, and exactly why we’ve chosen to support them. If not…please read on!
Last week was a year since Sands stepped into my family’s life. A year ago, that I got the call. It was 10.30pm and my Dad’s number flashed up on my mobile – it was one of those moments that you know something is up and your heart sinks a little. Perhaps my Grandma had fallen, I thought to myself. But no, the words I never expected to hear, my sister’s baby had passed away in the womb.
It was the 3rd of June, a sunny Saturday and Charlie’s due date. We were awaiting news of contractions kicking off, not of scans and no heartbeat found. I sat on the sofa a little dumbfounded just wanting to be there and be able to do something to help my sister. But I felt totally useless. At this point I need to thank my amazing friend and team mate Steph who, stayed to make sure I was ok and then looked after my children the next day, so I could be with my family.
48 hours later, my beautiful niece Charlie was born, fast sleep. We were never to hear her cry, to enjoy that precious new born smell, to change her nappy or see her play and grow. But we did get to cuddle Charlie and tell her how loved she was for the short amount of time she was with us. These memories will always be treasured and were only made possible by Sands.
Every parent knows the incredible feeling when your child is born, and you get to hold them for the first time, all the pain of childbirth is instantly forgotten. But to go through labour knowing you’ll never hear your baby cry or see them grow up – I have no idea how you do that. Sands train midwives to help mother’s get through this emotionally and physically traumatising time.
Once you leave hospital, you return home empty handed. Pack away the car seat, the cot and the baby clothes that had been bought in preparation and with it all the dreams for your baby’s future and your family. How you get by each hour, day and week is beyond me although I know some very special people that have done just that. This is when Sands step in again with their incredible network of groups, counselling sessions and support.
And then there’s the rest of my family. Sands are there for the whole family, including my Mum who lost her Granddaughter. They offer information, support groups and services to remember loved ones. Sands provided a separate labour room and trained midwife to support Charlie’s parents, there was a chilled cot to enable us all to spend a precious few days with her. A memory box with a camera and footprint kit, as well as a teddy for Charlie and one to keep. We were lucky that the hospital had the support from Sands, not everywhere does and not every set of parents and family gets this crucial and needed help at such a devastating time.
Behind the scenes Sands do an incredible amount of vital research in to understanding these deaths, to try and help prevent them (15 babies a day in the UK die – one of the highest rates in Europe). They lobby for changes to legislation, and campaign for help to support those that have suffered.
I know it’s so hard knowing what to say in this situation but believe me, saying something even if it feels wrong is better than saying nothing.
As a family we have a huge amount to thank Sands for and is the reason I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to ride from London to Paris in August. In memory of my niece Charlie and a very special godson Shermie, who were both sadly born fast asleep.
I should also say Thank-you to my incredible team of friends that have helped me through such a difficult year, and to the amazing Tour de Friends team who I’m riding with. I can’t ever thank them enough for their support and for fundraising for Sands.
To end on a positive note, we are waiting (very anxiously) for news of Charlie’s sister being born later this month. Nothing will ever replace Charlie, but hopefully our family will be celebrating soon.
